why sometimes suicide feels like the answer

Yes.

Today's blog post doesn't have a soft and subtle title that gently encourages people into reading about something lots of people would choose to ignore however, feeling so distressed to the point that you contemplate taking your life, well that isn't soft and subtle either.

Today's post is about something raw and honest. For every person that commits suicide, 20 fail. Approximately 1 million people commit suicide yearly in the world which works out at around one suicide every 40 seconds and 3000 deaths averagely per day. That is only the people who succeed.

Mental illness can be a dark and scary place for both sufferers and their loved ones and I have had so many people, from family, friends and healthcare professionals over the years ask one question; why?

So what is it about the thought of ending your life that for many people daily, feels like the only option? I've spoken to many people about why they think this is the case and here are a few responses:

"They feel depressed and overwhelmed by the world, maybe unsupported and exhausted" - healthcare professional

"I've often felt like everyone would be better off without me, that they would have more fulfilling lives if I wasn't around as I am a burden on everyone around me" - sufferer of depressive disorder

"I have asked myself this many times and I honestly don't know. I think that (name protected for confidentiality) is clouded and the more she tries to hide her problems away from me, the more it clouds her judgements and the only conclusion I've come to is that all the pathways she has tried haven't worked and this is her only option" - parent

All of the following answers are not wrong, nor are they right. The truth is; there isn't always a reason. Many suicides are totally intentional and some are accidental. Some are cries for help, some are entirely on impulse, some are planned down to the very last second and some are just someone hurting. From people I've spoken to, several people I've known to attempt suicide often have told me that they didn't know why they did it. Whether it was to feel pain by punishing themselves or to free others from being punished by their existence, it really is different for everyone.

I, myself, can relate to everything those people said above. At times, I have felt majorly overwhelmed by stress which has caused me to doubt myself and not perform to my best abilities therefore feeling stupid and like a failure. Sometimes, I've felt like it truly was the only way out because I was tired of feeling so alone in my thoughts. When you suffer with mental illness, you often feel alone. You could be at a family gathering surrounded by people you know would quite literally take a bullet for you, yet not feeling understood can be the biggest force of loneliness someone could offer. A mistake people make is belittling how you feel, there is nothing worse than being made to feel guilty for struggling. People who are "normal" for better of a word, often think people who are mentally ill are a hotline. Whether that is someone who is truly suffering with mental illness or someone who isn't. People often think that because you're already sick, its okay to talk to you about things because you'll understand. Well yes, I will understand, no matter how much I'm struggling myself, I'll never actually tell you that by you putting your issues on me, you're affecting me more.

Just because someone is mentally ill, it does not mean you can put your problems on others.

"You suffer with an eating disorder, so what sort of things can I do to loose weight?"

you will probably read this and be stunned that someone could be so inconsiderate but I promise you, there will be people out there who think this is a totally valid and appropriate question to ask. Because after all, they're thin right? This sort of question is never acceptable. Under any circumstances. This sort of thing can instantly make the sufferers stomach flip. Things like "I should be thinner, if they know I have an eating disorder then I have to prove how thin I can be" or "I just had to eat and someones asked me that, I shouldn't have eaten that because I'm just fat and gross and I just want to die" Do you see how the slightest thing can set people off?

I hope this post has helped even one person gain some insight on why people contemplate suicide and maybe if you see someone who is blatantly struggling,. whether that's someone in a shop attempting to buy 2 boxes of paracetamol and a drink or whether that's in an A&E cubicle, sometimes being told you're there if they need anything and reminding them that they aren't alone could quite literally save someones life.

Take care and love always,

Emmie xx